tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize