We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
