i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
