did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize