I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
