Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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