my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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