Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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