Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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