If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
