Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
