Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
not ubering you a puppy
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
