Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize