Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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