Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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