5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
