Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
