Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just blew my weed a kiss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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