our cab driver is having phone sex.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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