for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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