my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
