Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we're making bets on your personal life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
