i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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