I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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