I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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