THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
