cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i barfeds in our rink
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
