How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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