Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
