you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
