you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
