I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Four minutes until I can fart!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
