dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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