It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
