At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
