and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
