im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
