Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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