I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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