he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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