Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
