It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
