Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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