420 ftw
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
