Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
