I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
