y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
