He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
