I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize