My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
try to milk me bitch
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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