Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
