We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
