I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
