Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
