Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
