I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
