She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
