I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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