Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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