I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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